Parents want their kids to be happy. Some feel this happiness will come from a successful job, others feel their kids living independently will make their lives more complete. Indian parents feel that their children should, after getting a job, get married. And these marriages should happen as soon as the child is finished with their schooling. There isn’t much more growth that parents seek from their children after they graduate college and get jobs. In fact, they feel there is more likelihood to brush with the wrong crowd and possibly never marry. The idea of marriage is introduced to the younger generation by their elders while they are in their early 20s.
The younger generation, however, has more of a relaxed definition of happiness and the way they will attain it isn’t with marriage right after college. There is a sense of ‘pressure’ that young people face almost as soon as they receive their diploma and sometimes sooner. This reminds me of a moment in the sitcom “The Big Bang Theory” where Raj’s parents try to get him to meet Lalita Gupta, a girl they have already approved of and wish their son should marry to move forward with his life. Raj felt a sense of constraint because of his parent’s insistence that he meet this girl that he himself hasn’t seen in many years. There is a sense of hopelessness that Raj feels when he is told that his parents have already spoken about him to Lalita’s parents. It felt at times while Raj was listening to his parents that all the air within him was sucked out, almost like his heart was beating so fast that his mind was spinning. There was a sense of overregulation that his parents placed upon him while he looked like he just called them to say ‘hello’ and not get the details of his bride to be.
While many cultures have parents that wish their children get married, the Indian culture seems to connect the success of an individual’s life on whether he/she is married in a timely manner right after they complete school. The constraint also goes into overregulation of who these kids should marry as well. The ‘ideal’ spouse that Indian parents feel would be acceptable for their child is someone of Indian descent. Many times there is an even more detailed preference for a specific state within India where the in-laws should come from as there is a specific regional language and customs for the different states within India.
The younger generation of today, feel that after they complete the maximum amount of school they feel they need or want, that the career takes priority. They want to put forth their energy into starting a career and building it into something that they will be proud of, especially if they put many years of schooling to reach that career. While they are not against marriage, they feel that this should be a time for them to be alone and be happy through their work before they move on and try to tackle their personal life and try to build on that. There also isn’t a sense that they have to marry someone of the same country as themselves. This could be because they interact with so many different people and see little differences as opposed to their elders who at times seem to only notice the differences.
At the end of the day, it comes down to a generational shift in how a social fact like marriage norms may or may not lead to a form of hopelessness because of regulation much like Indians view on marriage.